Beyond Toddlers and Tiaras

Hugo Schwyzer of the Good Men Project recently wrote a piece that is much needed and long overdue entitled, Men and the Sexualization of Young Girls. Thank you Hugo for your insight and for speaking out about this. The topic has been rolling around inside my underused brain for awhile now, ever since catching a few minutes of Toddlers and Tiaras the other evening as I was flipping through the channels. Disturbing. As soon as I read Hugo’s piece, I immediately continued on with my own thoughts, and here they are.

There are reasons why our daughters want to dress up as a princess and there are worthy and valuable reasons why they want their daddies to notice them as a princess. They want to know that they are beautiful. They want to know that they are noticed. They want to know that they are worth being pursued. Ask yourself, what grown up woman doesn’t want these things as well? It’s a part of our story. It’s apart of our humanity.

Think about your favorite movies or stories. Isn’t there always a woman, caught up in some sort of adventure and being pursued by a man? It is a part of almost every movie and a part of almost every love song in our culture today. Why is that? Because that is the story in which we find ourselves.

And every little girl wants to know… “Do you see me daddy? Am I beautiful? Do you notice me?”

As fathers, we need to answer this question before it is even asked and as often as we possibly can. We must not wait for them to dress up to reassure them that they have value and worth. We must not wait for them to ask us if they are lovely. We must tell them often and then tell them again and again. “You are beautiful, sweetheart. You are lovely. There is a beauty inside of you that shines so bright!” It’s not because you’re dressed up and its not because you’ve done anything at all. You just are… radiant.

If they hear this not only with your words, but with your actions (by being present with them), they will be less likely to do twisted things to get the attention of other men as they grow older. Why? Because they will know the answer to their question. They will know they are of worth and value. They will know that they are astonishing. They will know because daddy told them so.